december 2-week:
Guilty Pleasure
with Mia Schachter + Dean Spade
VIRTUAL: Wednesdays and Sundays, December 3-14, 11am-1pm PT / 2–4pm ET. Recordings are included with registration in advance; they will not be for sale after the fact.
Smash the romance myth by watching rom coms with us!!
What do romcoms teach us about romance, friendship, boundaries, and consent? In this class we’ll study four 90’s romcoms as a way into examining how the romance myth shapes our expectations and behaviors in relationships of all kinds. We’ll look at cultural norms about how we make requests and say yes and no to each other alongside feminist, liberatory models for practicing consent.
This class will help you find out where you are avoiding asking for what you want, or telling people what you don’t want, and offer ways to break out of patterns of avoidance, indirectness, pushiness, and appeasing. All of us have these habits, from living in a culture of coercion and extraction. In these difficult and dangerous times, building relationships skills that help us practice authentic connection and collaboration with each other is essential. We need to stick together and care for each other so we can fight back.
Dean Spade has been working in movements for queer and trans liberation, anti-militarism, and police and prison abolition for the past 25 years. He’s the author of Normal Life: Administrative Violence, Critical Trans Politics, and the Limits of Law, and Mutual Aid: Building Solidarity During This Crisis (and the Next) the director of the documentary “Pinkwashing Exposed: Seattle Fights Back!.” His new book is Love in a Fucked Up World: How to Build Relationships, Hook Up and Raise Hell Together, and he is the host of a new podcast with the same name.
Hi, I’m Mia. I’m an author, multi-media artist, and an intimacy coordinator for TV, film, and theater. It’s my mission to make consent education as digestible and widely available as possible so you can identify your desires, needs, and boundaries and authentically express them to others in your own unique voice. Relationships are my life’s work.
I’m the author of the Boundaries + Consent Workbook, Boundaries + Consent for People Pleasers, Unsolicited Advice: A Consent Educator's (Canceled) Memoir, and the forthcoming How to Do Consent Without Sounding Like a Robot. I’m the host of Share the Load Podcast and You’re Doing It Wrong.
Photo by Myles Joseph.
Who is this class for?
If you:
feel like your relationships are on a loop
see friend circles break up over drama between romantic partners
are struggling to get what you want out of relationships
rush into relationships and want to slow down
want to build longlasting relationships
struggle with unrealistic expectations around love and romance
long for freedom from the relationship escalator
want to find more success negotiating casual or non-traditional relationship arrangements
and you want:
to learn how to have difficult conversations with people you love
to allow yourself to have big feelings without falling into codependent dynamics
to feel less judgment and shame about your feelings and actions in relationships
to break out of patterns and cycles in your romantic relationships
a fun way to learn relationship skills about consent when it comes to romance
to explore what shapes your desires and preferences
learn how to say yes and no
more ease in your communication
more authentic self-expression in your practices of consent, boundary setting, and conflict navigation
to feel more confident in your ability to express yourself and be understood
this class is for you!
what will we be doing?
We will look at how the romance myth shapes our experiences of relationships of all kinds, not just romantic ones, and what it takes to loosen its hold on our lives so we can choose how we want to relate with people. The romance myth tells us:
“When you find the one, they know what you like by reading your mind.”
You should feel a certain way.
They should be able to anticipate your needs.
If they say no, it’s a betrayal or indicates they’re not “the one.”
We will go over several consent frameworks and tools for identifying and setting boundaries:
What is consent? What is it not?
The Yes-to-No Spectrum
Nonverbal cues of your emotional state
Practicing saying no (and yes!)
Specificity in your asks
Whether your asks are offers or requests
We will watch several romantic comedies to apply these concepts and practice using them. You will get to choose between:
50 First Dates
Ten Things I Hate About You
Groundhog Day
But I’m a Cheerleader
Red, White, and Royal Blue
Better off Dead
You’ve Got Mail
Sleepless in Seattle
When Harry Met Sally
Never Been Kissed
How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days
Pretty Woman
Something About Mary
Clueless
